WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures. Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Pastor's Business Card

THIS ONE MADE ME CHUCKLE

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out his business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones?

They still are!
Pass it on!

Make wise choices. Keep the faith in Christ!

Make wise choices. Keep the faith in Christ!

Working is good but always make time to worship your loving Savior and find a Christian mentor or counselor that will exhort you to obey the holy spirit.

These spiritual mentors help to remind us to trust in the Lord, not in ourselves or in the science. Trust in God's word.

That is why we need to be accountable to other Christians in our daily walk with Jesus.

One of our challenges as Christians is to become mature enough to learn from our spiritual mistakes. Stop repeating them! We often need help.

You must read the story of Kind David. The bible teaches us that God loved him immensely. And yet he was such a screw up!

King David fought huge battles against his flesh and always lost! But he always repented and begged God for mercy and forgiveness.

Father God never disappointed him, always forgave him, but also God had to discipline David, that is give a consequence for his sin.

If you give in to your flesh, God's word says that our gracious Lord will forgive our weakness and give us strength to pick up our cross and try again.

You can overcome the desires of your flesh when you ask the Lord to strengthen you against them.
That battle can be overcome! God's word tells you that greater is the spirit of God that lives in you than the evil spirits in the air.

Our battle against our flesh is another thing altogether.

Don’t struggle with God. It is a losing battle. Do you know the story of Jacob and his struggle against the Lord?

You should look it up. Find out what happened to him at the end of the struggle.

Don’t ever doubt his love for you. His mercies are new every morning. Never forget that.

CELL PHONE VS. BIBLE

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone.
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several times a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it l...ike we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we travelled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go.....hmm.....where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing.

Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.

Makes you stop and think, doesn't it?

Where are my priorities?

And no dropped calls! Trust in the Lord and *ASAP (Always Say A Prayer)

Have a blessed and wonderful day!

How To Live Through A Bad Day

BE FREE!
Hebrews 12:2 "Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed - that exhilarating finish in and with God -- he could put up with anything along the way: cross, shame, whatever, and now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God."

Principle - Luke 23:46 "Father, into your hands i commit my spirit."

Finally __________ your day to God, and let it go.

Philippians 4:6-7 LB "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs"

WHY WORRY?

a. Worry is __________. -Matthew 6:25
b. Worry is __________. -Matthew 6:26
c. Worry is __________. -Matthew 6:27
d. Worry is __________. -Matthew 6:30

BE FREE!

1. GET TO __________ GOD.

a. Matthew 6:31-32 "So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' for the pagan run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them."

b. Matthew 6:32 "People who don't know God and the way He works worry over these things..."

2. PUT GOD __________ IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR __________.

a. Matthew 6:33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

b. Never let your __________ tell you how to feel.

3. LIVE ONE __________ AT A TIME.

a. Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

4. CAST YOUR __________ ON GOD.

a. 1 Peter 5:7 "Casting the whole of your care [all of your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully"

b. "Cast" actually means to __________ or to throw.

Time To Say Goodbye

"Time To Say Goodbye"

I just don't want to waste another day
I'm trying to make things right
But you shove it in my face
And all those things you've done to me I can't erase
And I can't keep this inside
It's time to say goodbye

On the first day that I met you
I should have known to walk away
I should have told you you were crazy
And disappear without a trace
But instead I stood there waiting
Hoping you would come around
But you always found a way to let me down

[Chorus]
It's time to say goodbye
(I just don't want to waste another day)
It's time to say goodbye
(Cause things will never be the same)
It's time to say goodbye
(You make me think I need to walk away)
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye

After all the things I've done for you
You never tried to do the same
It's like you always play the victim
And I'm the one you always blame
When you need someone to save you
When you think you're going to drown
(Think you're going to drown)
You just grab your arms around me and pull me down

[Chorus]
It's time to say goodbye
(I just don't want to waste another day)
It's time to say goodbye
(Cause things will never be the same)
It's time to say goodbye
(You make me think I need to walk away)
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye

Now I'm gone
It's too late
You can't fix
Your mistakes
I was trying to save you from you
So you scream
So you cry
I can see
Through your lies
You're just trying to change me
(Trying to change me)

Somewhere in the distance
There's a place for me to go
I don't want you to hate me
But I think you need to know
You're weighing on my shoulders
And I'm sick of feeling down
So I guess it's time for me to say goodbye

Bosses Who Bully By Irene S. Levine

September 22, 2006

By making concessions to her supervisors and by working hard to keep her own frustrations in check, Barbara was ultimately able to complete her doctorate.
If you think bullies only lurk in playgrounds, think again. Adult bullies are ubiquitous, cropping up as supervisors in organizations around the globe. In laboratories and other scientific settings, the inherent imbalance of power between trainees and their supervisors can set the stage for workplace bullying. "Bullying thrives in situations where the perpetrators are both powerful and frightening, and those around them too scared to challenge," writes physician and career counselor Anita Houghton, M.D., in BMJ Careers .

There are other reasons why science is a fertile breeding ground for bullies. "People in certain fields rise up the managerial chain by being experts," says sociologist Gini Graham Scott, Ph.D., author of A Survival Guide for Working with Bad Bosses: Dealing with Bullies, Idiots, Back-Stabbers, and other Managers from Hell (American Management Association, 2006). "Science is one of those fields. You can have supervisors who are brilliant in their work as scientists but who don't necessarily have people skills. They may not have management training or an understanding of how to work with employees. Also, in scientific laboratories, there isn't always a human resources person to go to, and there may be few opportunities for oversight. If someone complains, there are likely to be repercussions, and the person can be blacklisted."

If you're a science trainee whose boss is a bully, the challenges and risks, to both your professional and your personal life, are formidable, and your options are usually limited. But if you recognize this phenomenon, there are ways to minimize its adverse effects.

Barbara's experience

Barbara,* currently a postdoc, acquired what she now calls "emotional scars" while earning her doctoral degree. Even though the experiences occurred several years ago, she still can't put them out of her mind. She was a Ph.D. student in biology working in a laboratory at a European university when she was bullied by her bosses.

"It felt like the slave trade," she says. Her advisor, one of two co-directors in the lab, was enraged when he learned that Barbara had moved in with her boyfriend. "If you are planning to have children," he said, "I should know it so you can leave the lab now." Barbara had no such plans--but when one of her labmates became pregnant, the advisor started assigning the woman less and less work, isolating her from her peers. "You became pregnant, and that's the last thing you do in my lab," her advisor told her. The woman resigned.

While Barbara was writing her dissertation, the other co-director told her he needed help running some experiments for a project that would be published in a top-tier journal. When she told him that she was already stretched thin finishing her doctoral work and applying for postdocs, he got angry. He demanded that she think about it overnight and return to his office the next day. Barbara returned and told him that she simply didn't have the time. "You don't understand, Barbara," he said. "I'm not making you an offer; I'm telling you that you are going to do these experiments." Because she was close to finishing her degree and didn't want it derailed, she felt as though she had no choice. She took on the additional work.

Her advisor also asked her to share authorship of her papers with people who had nothing to do with the work. When she questioned the dubious ethics, he made it clear that she wasn't in a position to negotiate. "This is my lab, Barbara; if you don't like my rules, you can go straight to the door," her advisor told her, not for the first time. Other students suffered similar indignities. "Both of them were controlling, possessive, and had no problems threatening students to get what they wanted," Barbara says.

People like Barbara--on the first rung of their career ladders--often have no choice other than to "grin and bear it" when faced with a bully in the workplace, says Scott, who often consults on workplace relationships.

What it means to be bullied in the workplace

There is no commonly agreed-upon definition of "workplace bullying"; the phenomenon can manifest in different forms. Social psychologist Gary Namie, director of the Workplace Bullying Institute in Bellingham, Washington, defines it as follows:

Repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators that takes one or more of the following forms: verbal abuse; threatening, humiliating, or offensive behavior/actions; work interference--sabotage--which prevents work from getting done.



The box below provides a more detailed description, with examples provided by the Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety (CCOHS). Although most of us have probably fallen victim to one form of abuse or another, it counts as bullying--and becomes a serious problem--when there is a regular pattern of such behaviors.

Is Your Workplace Toxic?

Examples of Workplace Bullying (Source: CCOHS)


Spreading malicious rumors, gossip, or innuendo that are not true

Excluding or isolating someone socially

Intimidating a person

Undermining or deliberately impeding a person's work

Physically abusing or threatening abuse

Removing areas of responsibilities without cause

Constantly changing work guidelines

Establishing impossible deadlines that will set up the individual to fail

Withholding necessary information or purposefully giving the wrong information

Making jokes that are 'obviously offensive' by spoken word or e-mail

Intruding on a person's privacy by pestering, spying, or stalking

Assigning unreasonable duties or workload in a way that creates unnecessary pressure

Underwork--creating a feeling of uselessness

Yelling or using profanity

Criticizing a person persistently or constantly

Belittling a person's opinions

Unwarranted (or undeserved) punishment

Blocking applications for training, leave, or promotion

Tampering with a person's personal belongings or work equipment




According to the Canadian Safety Council, bullying--which they consider a form of harassment--is far more prevalent than sexual harassment or racial discrimination, perhaps because the latter are more likely to be illegal. As heinous as the practice is, few countries have laws that discourage workplace bullying. (France, Sweden, and Norway are exceptions.) A recent review in the Journal of Business Ethics suggests that although the body of research is growing, the United States lags behind other countries both in studying the problem and addressing it. The authors speculate that workers in the United States may be more comfortable with autocratic bosses than are workers elsewhere.

A study in the British Medical Journal estimates that workplace bullying affects up to 50% of the workforce in the United Kingdom at some time in their working lives, with annual prevalence rates of 38%. Statistics from a workplace bullying advice line suggest that 90% of cases in the U.K. involve a manager bullying a subordinate; 8% involve peer-to-peer bullying; and in 2% of cases, subordinate(s) bully managers. Perpetrators are equally likely to be male or female, but targets are more likely to be female.

A study published in the Postgraduate Medical Journal focused on doctors who work in a research environment. The investigators surveyed 259 doctors who had registered on Doctors.net.uk--the largest Web site for doctors in Europe--and found that more than half reported having been bullied in the form of threats to their professional status and personal standing.

Namie estimates that nearly three out of four bullied individuals ultimately lose their position, which suggests that perpetrators aren't often held accountable for their actions. In many cases, victims are blamed; other times, the situation is written off as a personality conflict between two or more people.

"Some people are more bully-hardy or bully-resistant than others," says Eddie Erlandson, a physician and one of the co-authors of Alpha Male Syndrome (Harvard Business School Press, 2006), a book that describes highly competitive and energetic leaders who unintentionally create chaos in the workplace because of bullying tactics. Although there is some research that portrays victims of bullies as unassertive and conflict-avoidant, other reports suggest that bullying is an "equal-opportunity" activity and that anyone of us is vulnerable. Although evidence is only anecdotal, some postdocs feel that foreign trainees are particularly vulnerable as targets due to the social isolation that occurs when someone is new to a country and just learning its language and culture. "You don't know other faculty or other people, so from the beginning you find yourself in this 'you and your advisor on a boat' position," says one postdoc.

The consequences of bullying are serious and extract a huge toll on physical health (leading to migraines, sleeplessness, high blood pressure, and loss of appetite), emotional health (leading to anxiety, depression, irritability, family conflict, substance abuse, and thoughts of suicide), and productivity (due to impaired concentration, low morale, absenteeism, and staff turnover).

Bullies exist because the workplace culture supports them. "The incentives to challenge bullying behavior are far outweighed by the incentives to keep your head down," writes Houghton. "This creates an aggressive culture that continues because it selects people who can survive in it--people who are likely to be thick-skinned and aggressive themselves. These people in turn provide role models for the up-and-coming generation."

Tips for turning it around

So what can a science trainee do to avoid the landmines?

Look before you leap

Because it's never easy to deal with bully bosses, try to avoid them. Be careful before you agree to work with an individual who will likely have influence over your career for years to come. Before you accept a position, visit the laboratory (even if it entails a trip across the ocean) and spend time speaking with fourth- or fifth-year trainees who know the history and culture of the lab. Directly ask them about their working conditions and staff turnover.

Watch your back

Once you're on board, experts agree that one of the most constructive approaches to minimizing bullying is for trainees and supervisors to be vigilant and educated about its symptoms. There is a growing body of empirical literature, advice books, and Web sites to help you recognize first signs and teach you coping skills.

Trust your instincts

If you feel like you are being bullied, chances are that you are. Keep in mind that there are no objective tests or criteria; bullying is subjective. One individual may not feel bullied under the same circumstances as another. If you are uncertain about your feelings or if you aren't sure whether you should approach your supervisor, seek advice from a trusted friend, family member, colleague, or mentor. If you want to speak to someone removed from your direct situation, find a safe place online where you can remain anonymous and solicit feedback from others who have had similar experiences. The ScienceCareers.org Forum is one such place.

Don't suffer in silence

Recognize that supervisors are often clueless about the impact of their words or behavior. As a first step, in a firm, but calm, professional demeanor, tell your supervisor how his or her behaviors or comments make you feel and see whether things change. If the situation is so bad that you feel you have nothing to lose, consider reporting the abuse to the next level of management--realizing it may backfire and the consequences may be dire. Be sure to keep a diary recording details of events and collect any written documentation.

Find ways to maintain your self-confidence

Don't wallow in your situation. Instead, allow yourself downtime from work and engage with other people and activities that allow you to feel good about yourself. "Trainees need to develop an awareness of how they react to stress, strain, stretch, unexpected change, and pressure, as well as sleep deprivation," says Erlandson. He suggests that trainees practice "reset" strategies: regular habits of exercise, breathing, relaxation, yoga, meditation, prayer, or music.

You are not alone

Don't let your shame keep you isolated. If your boss is a bully, chances are that other people feel the same way you do. Find confidants, in and out of the office, to whom you can speak openly and with whom you can strategize appropriate actions.

Plan an exit strategy

If the situation is intolerable or causing you more grief than it is worth, it may be time to think about leaving. Don't leave impulsively. Discreetly check out options in other labs or other institutions. Try not to burn any bridges before you go. And remember that the situation will look different when you're out the other end. "I joke about it now," says another postdoc. "I say I deserved a second Ph.D. based on my graduate school experience--one in psychology."

Become a bully-buster when you're in charge

As a manager later on, you can play an important role in guaranteeing a bully-free environment for all. Clarify the steps a trainee should take if his/her concerns aren't heard or are ignored by a supervisor. Assess the negative impact of bullying on victims and bystanders, and be willing to step in. Make sure your organization has mechanisms in place that allow for feedback from employees; periodic evaluations of supervisors should be standard organizational policy, perhaps through an anonymous survey, suggests Scott. Without exception, there should be a "zero tolerance" policy for bullying behavior, says Erlandson: "Clear communication of this intention makes it easy to hold bullies accountable."

Out the other end

By making concessions to her supervisors and by working hard to keep her own frustrations in check, Barbara was ultimately able to complete her doctorate. She also used her experience positively when the time came to choosing her next move. "Money, location, or publications were no longer my priorities when I chose my next lab. I just didn't want to make the same mistake again," says Barbara. She landed safely in a new workplace and was fortunate to find "a wonderful advisor" who is always willing to listen and to help. Entering his office continues to bring back painful memories of her past, but she is hopeful that those too will pass in time.

* Names have been changed to protect privacy.


Was there a great mentor who helped you "kick it up a notch" personally and professionally during the course of your training? How did you find this mentor? What did he or she do for you that was most helpful? Please share your experiences for an upcoming Mind Matters Column. Send your thoughts to Irene.mindmatters@gmail.com.


Irene S. Levine is a freelance journalist whose work has appeared in many of America's leading newspapers and magazines. Trained as a psychologist, she works part-time as a research scientist at the Nathan Kline Institute for Psychiatric Research in Orangeburg, New York, and she holds a faculty appointment as a professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. She resides in Chappaqua, New York.

quotes

If at first you do not succeed, try, try again!

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly

You never really lose until you quit trying.

Remove failure as an option

Wrestle every match like it is the last one you are going to wrestle.

Every time you are not practicing, someone else is, when you wrestle them, they will win.

Before you can win, you have to believe you are worthy.

www.worldofinspiration.com

himelspach questions

for gustavo and christian, i want you to do this, i did this with coach hemo back in the day.

every time after you wrestle in a match,

1. what did you do well?

2. what to work on?

3. technique questions?

4. how did you feel?

5. general questions and comments about your match, tournament, overall, etc.

do this with me or himelspach, i have his note to this day.

dreams

Dreams are what you make them, it all depends on you. If you really want it bad enough, desire can make them true. You can dream about most anything, but dreams will not get it done, when you bust your butt and dreams come true, is when you will have your fun!